Three Important Lessons in Dating from Love on the Spectrum
Written By Kandice Martellaro
The Netflix reality show, Love On The Spectrum, became a huge internet sensation, trending on Twitter and even being mentioned on the mainstream podcast, My Favorite Murder. The show follows the dating lives of eleven adults who are on the spectrum, which means they have been diagnosed with a form of autism or aspergers. The audience follows the stories of these eleven people, some of whom are already in relationships, and many are exploring dating, some for the first time ever. While some of the obstacles that arise are specific to people on the spectrum, there are many that are universal. There are breakdowns in communication, lack of mutual interests, and just general awkwardness. The mass appeal of the show is due to how universal and relatable a lot of these frustrations with dating happen to be. In fact, being on the spectrum, allows for some direct communication that would, typically, be muddled otherwise. So, there are three lessons that can be learned from Love On The Spectrum.
1.) If you’re not interested, that’s okay!
Throughout the show, there are several times where different people go on first, or even, second dates, where they very quickly assess that there is no chemistry. The date ends, one person tells that other that they just aren’t feeling it and see them “more as friends” and, with each time this happens, the other person accepts this information, and moves right along. It’s clean and simple. If only everyone in the dating world could be so direct. There is no time wasted, there’s no extra chances to see “if maybe the spark will come later,” no self-doubt about making a mistake and no one does the thing where the need to be “polite” causes several unhappy dates that just waste everyone’s time. Also, it goes without saying that this is MUCH preferred to the typical non-confrontational way out, ghosting. It’s a model that everyone could stand to learn something from.
2.) Specificity in a Dating Profile Makes a Person More Interesting
It’s pretty universal that most dating profiles on dating apps tend to all look the same and be pretty, as the kids would say, “basic”. Everyone loves traveling, that’s not unusual and doesn’t give anyone much to talk about. While no actual dating apps are shown on Love On The Spectrum, the show sets up a unique and effective structure of introducing the new dating prospects of people the show has been following, similar to a dating profile, by having a narrator state a few basic likes and dislikes of the new person. This may sound simple and mundane but, due to the specificity, it is quite the opposite.. For example, one woman states that they dislike being chased by chickens. While this is never mentioned again, this person is already intriguing. Why? What happened? Was there a specific incident where they were chased by chickens? Has it happened more than once? Was this person living on a farm at any point? Already, there’s a lot of intrigue. However, the specificity of the likes and dislikes that are shared throughout the show aren’t just limited to being obscure. Some are as simple as “likes popping bubbles in bubble wrap”. Don’t we all? That’s relatable, possibly even more so than “likes traveling.”
3.) Parents Don’t Give the Best Dating Advice.
There’s a moment on the show where a specific character, Maddi, is doing a role play of “dating” with her Mom before she goes on the date, in order to understand and effectively navigate typical dating conversations and interactions. At one point her Mom, role playing as Maddi’s date, asks her, “Do you want to have children?” to which Maddi replies, “No.” Her Mom explains that she is stopping the conversation by just saying, “no,” and she needs to elaborate. So, Maddi does so with, “No. I think they’re a waste of time and money.” While Maddi’s response is direct, to the point of being a tiny bit humorous, there is ultimately nothing wrong with that response. She is being honest
and it does open up a conversation for more questions. However, her parents insist this is not right, to which Maddi expresses being confused, on account of being told to be honest but then told she is wrong when she explains why she feels the way she does. The result is Maddi saying that she would consider having kids on her date, which is not actually what she wants. Maddi’s Mom is not objectively wrong and this is a really tough area of communication to navigate, but throughout the show Maddi has been very good at managing her dating partners’ expectations, and this moment is a little bit heartbreaking. HustleTV we love us some Netflix